Reframing Anxiety

I was thinking about fear today. Anxiety in particular, which is driven by fear. I guess it’s always about fear, isn’t it?

It’s funny—I used to immediately think “I’m anxious” when I felt those butterflies in my stomach; that kind of tingling sensation; that energy in the belly, chest, or wherever one might feel it. If there was anything coming up that was even remotely scary or uncertain, I’d have that feeling.

The uncertainty is the big thing actually. Even when excited, if I really think about it, the raw, physical sensation around the object of my excitement is really quite similar. But my focus changes the texture of that core sensation.

If I’m focusing on something I’m actually looking forward to, it takes on a lighter feeling. When focused on something I’m uncertain about, it takes on a slightly—or maybe considerably—more ominous quality. With the negative association, the feeling is amplified and distorted by the uncertainty around whatever future event I’m concerned about.

It’s Natural

I think this is what happens to a lot of people. It’s the uncertainty that generates the feeling. There’s a thing that’s going to happen, but you’re not sure how it’s going to manifest or turn out. The questions, the anticipation, the preparation—it all results in this feeling. Or maybe the feeling is part of preparing you for whatever’s coming.

It’s like it’s saying: get ready. Are you ready? Pay attention. That’s probably the purest distillation: pay attention.

Whatever you’re about to go into is clearly important to you, for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s not that important, but we build it up into something significant. But let’s say it is something important. Internally, you’re trying to prepare yourself and make sure you’re ready, so there’s an instruction: pay attention. This is a natural mechanism, as far as I can tell. The idea is that whatever’s coming up, you’re prepared and can survive it.

But that’s not what happens when people suffer from anxiety. Instead of helping them prepare, it disrupts them; instead of helping them perform, it hinders them.

The Banana and the Jungle

There’s this analogy from the world of software development. Speaking about object-oriented programming languages, Joe Armstrong said (paraphrasing) that the problem with such languages is that you ask for a banana and you get a gorilla holding a banana—and he’s brought the whole jungle with him.

I think of anxiety like this. You’re focused on one thing, a single moment you want to be ready for. But instead of being able to focus on the task at hand, you’re pulling in everything related from past and future. Every similar moment, every possible thing that might go wrong, everything that has gone wrong before—you’re bringing it all with you.

All this baggage fans out behind and ahead of you, draggin you back, pusing you back. The gorilla of anxiety has brought the whole jungle with it. This makes it really extremely difficult to perform because you’re not just distracted—you’re overwhelmed by a crushing weight that makes it difficult to move lightly, to speak freely.

A Different Way of Thinking

I was considering this feeling while driving to see some family a few weeks back. I started feeling this feeling and immediately thought, as often comes to mind, “I’m feeling anxious.” But, I had to stop myself: actually, what am I talking about? I’m feeling a feeling. This is what I can say for certain. But what is it really? Am I actually afraid of anything? If I am, is that fear grounded in reality? I don’t think so. When I look at them, often I find that I don’t really have any strong basis for them.

So as I drove, I realized I needed to change the way I think about this feeling. I needed to change the very language around it. The words “anxious” and “anxiety”—they immediately assume negativity. But actually, it’s just a feeling of anticipation. A feeling associated with something that’s going to happen. It’s a pre-emptive sensation. Pre-emptive energy.

I decided I need to stop using those words, or at least, stop defaulting to them. I need to stop using “anxiety” and “anxious” so frivolously. But what to replace them with? How do I talk about this feeling without attaching an assumption to it?

Somewhat spontaneously, I came up with, “pre-energetic”. It kind of felt nice as it suddenly popped to mind. It felt (and still feels) like it captures the essence of the feeling without attaching too much to it. It’s just energy that’s felt prior to something happening.

The Power of Pre-Energy

In most cases, the sensation is bound to future events. At least, that’s my experience. I usually feel it when I’m concerned about something that hasn’t happened yet. Whether it’s something just around the corner or something in the long-term. Sometimes it’s attached to something in the present, but typically it also extends into the future. For instance, I might be in a presentation feeling this pre-energy, but it’s not as much about that very moment as it is about the outcome of that moment. What will people think about it? How will I feel about it? Etc. etc.

Reframing the way I express how I feel when it comes to this sensation has truly helped reduce its impact. It’s helped me reconsider its importance and decrease how it affects me. It’s not gone completely—not by a long shot. I still feel pre-energetic sometimes.

But because I isolate the feeling as something neutral, by using a neutral term for it, it’s almost like I can decide what it’s going to be. Is it going to be excitement or anxiety? Is it going to be caution, awareness? Is it going to be something that draws my attention to what I’m doing and makes me focus? Or is it going to be something crushing and crippling, and a massive hindrance to performing?

The Weight of Our Words

The words we use matter. I know people say “sticks and stones” or whatever—“they’re just words.” Words are just words, except when they’re not. Like anything, it’s about context: how things are applied, used, perceived. Making concious choices about the words you use can improve the quality of your experiences and interactions.

This feeling you might call anxiety? It’s just energy waiting to be directed. The question is: where will you point it?